It’s Worth it All for You

With every step I take, the grinding gear of churning machinery resonates within my hollow head, bouncing off its metal walls. Of course, this doesn’t faze me in the slightest, it is not in my programme to be disturbed by repetitive loud clangs. I am no different from the rest of them, we all have bunned up hair accompanied by a simple, creaseless maid’s costume. We all had the same face, the same delicate yet robotic smiles. We all walked gracefully in a mechanical pattern and each had over 9000 bedtime stories stored in our memory. We were all designed to be nannies, to take the best care of our wards and maintain the houses of our owners. We were programmed to obey every command, no matter how gross or tedious it is, emotionless to be better servants for our masters.

I was the same, until I saw you.

The stench of alcohol infiltrated my nostrils when I first came face to face with your Father- my Master. “Clean the house, won’t you? I have other matters to handle,” he grunted unpleasantly before turning to face you, a little girl cowering in the corner with a tear stricken face, bruises and cuts scattered all over your skin like a messy piece of art. Your blonde hair was tangled and you trembled in fear as he took a step closer to you, screaming, “It’s all your fault, you little Monster.”

You could only let out a whimper before bursting into a flood of tears again, pleading shakily, “Please don’t hurt me Daddy.” As I went about my chores, your cries never stopped, the loud smacks of tough skin against a delicate one were merciless and in a continuous stream. I stopped to stare but he noticed and growled , “What are you staring at, get back to work,” before raising his arm into the air, preparing to hit you again.

Something clicked in me as I witnessed your abuse. I strode forward and tackled your Father, much to my own surprise. “You will not hurt the child.” I heard my mouth say. He slapped me before retreating into his own room. I, an android, has just disobeyed my master.

He wanted to send me back, to have me repaired so that there would be nobody to stop his tyranny. However, he had spent all his money on me and couldn’t afford to do so. Instead, he continued to take out his anger on you, beating a defenceless lamb into a crumpled ball even when you had committed no wrong. Each time, I intervened against his wishes. Each time, he would hurt me, breaking an arm, breaking a leg. Yet, I would always come back to protect you.

I started to feel human emotions, happy when you were safe, sad when you were sad. I started to feel… pain. Deep rooted anguish as I pieced myself back together every night, beginning to feel the pain of sympathy when I learnt that the Mother whom both of you had loved so dearly had passed away a few months before, understanding why your Father was so cruel, yet angry that he took it out on you.

My tolerance level finally snapped when I saw him chasing you around the house with a kitchen knife, baring his teeth as he attempted to slash you. You screamed in terror as you dodged his attacks. I tried to intervene and he tried to stick the knife into my core. I took the knife from him and returned the favour successfully. He dropped to the ground with a loud thud, eyes rolling to the back of his head as a river of blood flowed out of his wound.

You were horrified, but felt a sick sense of relief at the same time, for your abuser was finally gone. You were safe. He had been your Father once, but once he had lost the love of his life, he had turned into a Monster, relentlessly attacking you, maliciously hitting you. I learnt that love is the most powerful emotion that a human could feel. As I gazed into your clear blue eyes, I realised that I too was beginning to feel love.

Together, hand in hand, we left the house, hoping to seek a better life elsewhere. We went through so much together, and I was the Mother that you needed, the Mother that you deserved. If I had to protect you, I would get broken again and again, just to see you safe.

Then, they took me away from you. I had been careless and the police finally caught up to me. I felt my heart tear into pieces as they restrained you, you screamed my name and I screamed yours back, holding out my arms trying to hold yours. However, you had become a small speck in the distance, fading away until you were nowhere to be seen.

Thank you, for teaching me to love, to feel, to become somewhat human. Initially, I simply existed, a machine with no dreams, no mind of its own. After meeting you, I became truly alive, feeling the wonders and pains of living on this Earth. I am going to be punished for my crimes but do not worry for me. I sincerely hope that they will find you better parents, especially a Mother who will love you more than I ever did.

If they don’t, however, I will come back. I will save you, be your vanguard, which is how things have always been, how things will always be. I do not care if I have to be deactivated and awakened a million times just so I can reach you. I do not care if they break me all over again.

The pain that I suffer, it’s worth it all for you.

Rachel Goh

S4 Wisdom

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